If Love Could Be Called A Mistake
by UisceOneLove
Summary: If love could be a mistake, Ian Gallagher would make it a million times over.


**A/N: I just suddenly felt like writing this. It made me sad to think it, but felt I needed to get it out. So, sadly enjoy.**

Standing where he was, Ian never thought the day would come. Not so soon, not when he couldn't be there to stop it.

Yet there he was. In front of a tombstone with Mandy that was plastered with the name Mickey Milkovich. Mandy had scrounged up all the money she could for it. Not like Terry or the other brothers would have given a shit enough to do it.

Besides, it was Terry that killed him anyway.

Ian didn't think Mickey gave a shit about him enlisting early. Using Lip's name made it a piece of cake. It had seemed like the only option. Mickey had gone through with marrying that Communist cunt. So he'd packed up his things, left a note for Fiona and the others then boarded a bus.

Mandy hadn't been drunk enough at the reception, so she'd remembered what he'd told Lip in his stupor. The thing was, she wasn't angry with him like he always thought she'd be. No, instead she was angry at Mickey. For going through with it, for hiding that he was with Ian.

And for hiding how he feels for the red head.

She put everything together. She wrote to Ian every chance she got, telling him how her family was, though she'd made a point to stay away since Lip didn't want to see her face again. For the first few weeks, Fiona had tried to get him back home. But it didn't work out, especially since they had no idea where he went off to.

Mandy would also tell him about Mickey. At first, anyway. She started to see Ian had made the decision to get over Mickey once and for all, let him be happy playing house with his bride.

She'd told him that Mickey'd gotten more on edge and angry. But Mandy could see pain in his eyes. Whenever she mentioned Ian to him, Mickey would tense up and tell her to fuck off before having a new smoke.

Mickey drunk a lot more, too. She never saw him without a bottle in his hand. Mandy had made a remark about him becoming their dad in one letter, and Ian just burned it up.

Ian spent his first few nights still crying over the Milkovich, but gradually his heart hardened. No more tears, just work. He focused on his drills, got up when they were told and went to sleep as soon as his head hit the pillow. The red head would follow every command given, and soon he was able to block out Mickey's name altogether.

Then Mandy had sent him a letter telling him the one thing he hadn't planned on.

Mickey had gone off on Terry. He told his father that he was leaving Svetlana and was done pretending to like bitches when he wanted a dick up his ass instead.

And then Terry shot him.

Ian hadn't been able to stop reading it over and over, begging the words to change. But they wouldn't. They all stayed the same. He cried for the first time in three months.

The red head pulled himself out of training and service, packed up his things and came home the next day. The others didn't understand, except Lip. Lip was the only one who knew, Fiona only figuring it was because Ian and Mandy were so close that he felt something for her losing Mickey.

There wasn't a funeral for Mickey, not like anyone would come since he didn't really have any friends. So it was just Ian and Mandy, Lip even being nice enough to be there in support.

All Ian could do was stare at the tombstone and think about how it was always himself they'd talk about getting shot and killed. They'd always joked, made remarks, but never did either of them consider Mickey being the one dead first.

Lip had learned to be civil, even grew to be kind again to Mandy. He stood there, comforting her and giving her a hug and then leading her off to give Ian the much needed time by himself with the grave.

Ian stood there for a moment, hands in his pockets, staring down. Then, slowly, he knelt and pulled three things from his pockets. He placed the Jell-O cup down against the granite stone, along with the carton of cigarettes and the Snickers bar.

He let himself cry again, even though he could hear Mickey yelling at him to stop being a bitch and toughen up.

Everything played in Ian's head at once. Mickey chasing him in the Kash and Grab, their first fuck in Mickey's room, the way he'd notice Mickey staring when he thought Ian didn't notice. He saw every moment they had together, good and bad.

Ian whispered only one thing, a sad smile on his face.

"You loved me, and you were gay."

When Lip and Mandy came back over to get him, Ian knew he'd never get over Mickey Milkovich. And that was okay.

Because if love can be called a mistake, then Ian Gallagher was fine with making it over and over again.


End file.
